I Don’t Need No Education

The day began with such promise: fair winds, smooth seas, buttercups, and daises. However in the age old tradition of acquiring happiness once there is a glimmer of hope it must, as a matter of universal necessity, be taken away. Thus I was rudely thumped from my blissful reverie and accordingly served a major-league ass whipping. With the last vestiges of contained sanity I will record the tragedy of the existence of a student, such that the world may uncover the sordid under-belly of commercial education.

I am a diligent student. I toil and type and read and write. I take your devastating tests, burn the candle at all possible orifices and sleep less. I patiently bear your skin searing glares, I allow you to stir my mind with theoretical jargon and rouse my nightmares. I subject myself to the horror of your bile producing voice and ridiculous presence for hours at a time. I remain loyal even in the face of your eminent transgressions without so much as a whine. In spite of my labour, in the grand scheme of things, my hard work and diligence is as significant as a dead toad.

After enduring the simplistic and outlandish sham known as examinations, the likes of which seek to access my self worth in the space of three precious hours, I enthusiastically skipped when I received word that the results of my toil would finally be made available today. Valiantly walking towards my fate, I stood as a courageous and noble knight in the face of pure evil. The next ten minutes were a blur of confusion and scorching white pain. I was blinded as an odd whimper of misery escaped my dry lips. And then it arrived, a cry so majestic that it shattered the silver lining, a cry that moved from sorrow to almost a temporary sort of permanent morbidity. I Gagged. Retched and collapsed in a boneless heap on the ground. The candle snuffing miserable fiend gave me a B.

Wet and shrieking with anger I attempted to assess the carnage; but, try as I might, my reptile brain could not understand her impertinence. I have slaved for her and she has insulted me. Why me?

My quest to acquire true knowledge, as opposed to mere memorizing has culminated in a blunt realization: University education is a fallacy. It has been created to suppress the youth into believing that the rancid conjectural pursuits encouraged by the so-called “educators” are for our own good. When the truth is that the worth of our degrees is inextricably bound to lecturers’ disposition towards us.

I certainly don’t need a bespectacled tyrant, who could very well be on schedule five prescription of Novocain, to tell me how intelligent she thinks I am. It is not possible, even by the furtherest stretch of the imagination, to accept that a three hour exam marked by a human being is sufficient authority upon which to base a ruling on my competence. What gives one fallible human being the power to measure another human for better or worse? Moreover where is my bloody assurance that the method of assessment is procedurally standard and fair? I feel duped and it makes me ill.

The bitter truth is that we are all kept in a place of subservience and compelled to travel the university drains until we are churned out into the world – naked and unprepared. It seems like these capitalist schemers will not stop until they grind our bones and pickle our spleen. Only once every ounce of blood is drained from our body will they set us free. Why we continually allow them to rip us off is beyond me.

I am about to go mad from terrible fatigue, and wish desperately that I could do the frat boy thing and urinate on the candle-snuffing-miserable-fiend’s front lawn. My moronic pursuits have left me gutted and inches from death. Sometimes I ponder the possibility that operating a meth lab in my room; and, getting ridiculously inebriated on fermented pineapples is the only true path to enlightenment. However, in a final attempt to salvage my wounded pride and reclaim my derelict soul from the pits of the library, I shall plunge suicidally into: Module 100 – Interpretation of South African Statutes under the New Constitution.

Never give up! Never surrender…

~ by acerbicheckler on December 16, 2006.